Momlife Truth: I Can’t Do What I Used to Love Because I’m a Mom, and That’s OK.

Momlife Truth: I Can’t Do What I Used to Love Because I’m a Mom, and That’s OK.

There are some little secrets and momlife truths that we don’t really understand or even realize until we’ve been a mom for quite a while. The first year or two is a whirlwind, and while it doesn’t get easier as they get older, the beginning phases of being a mom generally just include holding on for survival. 

But even as our children get older, we don’t really snap back into our old selves. A momlife truth is that we are different, and our lives are different.

Like this momlife truth: Motherhood stops me from doing what I used to love. But that’s ok.

It’s not that I literally can’t. Sure there is a way I could figure it out, make it work. It’s just I don’t really want to anymore.

I’m not interested. Too tired. Outgrown it. The reasons are numerous, but the bottom line is I just can’t do what I used to. And while I’m a little bummed, I can’t say I’m really sad about it.

The truth is, those things wouldn’t really make me happy anymore.

Think about it… What makes you happy now? Do you even know? (besides your kids/family)

It’s not just a matter of remembering. It isn’t just that you’re so tired you can’t quite get a grip on who you used to be and what you used to enjoy, it’s that the person you once were doesn’t exist anymore.

Part of her is still there. She still lingers on the outskirts of your soul.

But now a new woman is inside of you.

You’ve been changed by motherhood.

So even the basic things you enjoy now aren’t the same, or have shifted even if in subtle ways.

I used to love to travel. And for the last four years since I became a mother I have held onto the idea of traveling as hard as I could. I mean, you could try to pull my passport out of my cold dead fingers.

But the reality? It’s not just that travel is nearly impossible right now with a 4 year old and twin 1 year olds, it’s also that I just have lost some of the desire.

The idea of packing up a family of five and traveling anywhere beyond the 2.5 hour trek to my moms, sounds terrible!

And travel isn’t the only thing.

Going out to bars? Wine tasting? Shopping? Knitting? Leisurely strolls through farmers markets followed up by day full of luxuriously cooking rich dishes from expensive ingredients? Even going to the gym?

Nope. None of that is happening.

But it’s taken me the entirety of motherhood thus far to come to grips with the fact that I either can’t or don’t want to do the things I used to love.

But I’ve finally accepted it.

Now that I accepted it? I love it.

I finally realized this… what kind of person would I be if I still had all of the exact same interests I did before I was a mom?

What kind of person would I be if I never tried anything new, or learned anything new?

At the least I would be pretty boring, and the most I’d be really unhappy.

Motherhood forces you out of any and all comfort zones. It’s a crucible. A gauntlet.

Sink or swim. Though really there is only the choice to swim.

Time is precious.

When just having a shower without an extra little body bobbling around in there with you seems like a luxury, you have be super intentional about how you spend that free time.

It’s not just a matter of remembering. It isn’t just that you’re so tired you can’t quite get a grip on who you used to be and what you used to enjoy, it’s that the person you once were doesn’t exist anymore.

Part of her is still there. She still lingers on the outskirts of your soul.

But now a new woman is inside of you.

You’ve been changed by motherhood. Momlife is not the same as single life.

So even the basic things you enjoy now aren’t the same, or have shifted even if in subtle ways.

I used to love to travel. And for the last four years since I became a mother I have held onto the idea of traveling as hard as I could. I mean, you could try to pull my passport out of my cold dead fingers.

But the reality? It’s not just that travel is nearly impossible right now with a 4 year old and twin 1 year olds, it’s also that I just have lost some of the desire.

The idea of packing up a family of five and traveling anywhere beyond the 2.5 hour trek to my moms, sounds terrible!

And travel isn’t the only thing.

Going out to bars? Wine tasting? Shopping? Knitting? Leisurely strolls through farmers markets followed up by day full of luxuriously cooking rich dishes from expensive ingredients? Even going to the gym?

Nope. None of that is happening.

But it’s taken me the entirety of motherhood thus far to come to grips with the fact that I either can’t or don’t want to do the things I used to love.

But I’ve finally accepted it.

Now that I accepted it? I love it.

I finally realized this… what kind of person would I be if I still had all of the exact same interests I did before I was a mom?

What kind of person would I be if I never tried anything new, or learned anything new?

At the least I would be pretty boring, and the most I’d be really unhappy.

Motherhood forces you out of any and all comfort zones. It’s a crucible. A gauntlet.

Sink or swim. Though really there is only the choice to swim.

Time is precious.

When just having a shower without an extra little body bobbling around in there with you seems like a luxury, you have be super intentional about how you spend that free time.

Now that I accepted it? I love it.

I finally realized this… what kind of person would I be if I still had all of the exact same interests I did before I was a mom?

What kind of person would I be if I never tried anything new, or learned anything new?

At the least I would be pretty boring, and the most I’d be really unhappy.

Motherhood forces you out of any and all comfort zones. It’s a crucible. A gauntlet.

Sink or swim. Though really there is only the choice to swim.

Time is precious.

When just having a shower without an extra little body bobbling around in there with you seems like a luxury, you have be super intentional about how you spend that free time.

So I am mindful AF about what I do with my time both while I’m with my kids and alone. 

 

I don’t try to live up to some expectations of what I thought momlife should be life, because now I know the truth of momlife

It’s hard, but it’s incredible. 

All the things I used to love (or at least a lot of them), just aren’t part of my world anymore. Maybe they will be again some day, but right now? Nope. 

And I’m happy with that. Being a mom and living this momlife truth is worth it. 

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Balance is Bullsh*t and What to Do Instead of Trying to Balance it All

Balance is Bullsh*t and What to Do Instead of Trying to Balance it All

Yep I said it. Balance is bullshit.

Do you want to know the truth? The truth is finding complete and perfect balance a myth. If you think about a scale, you have to have the exact amount of weight on each side in order for it to be balanced. And in our lives, that is incredibly hard to do; for most of us, it’s pretty impossible.

Instead, the way that I like to think about it is not that I’m trying to balance everything at once, but I prefer to think of my life’s balance as having an ebb and flow, or seasons. Sometimes it’s high tide and sometimes it’s low tide. Sometimes everything is calm and working like a well oiled machine, and then out of nowhere your toddler gets the stomach bug and you’re up to your elbows in puke.

This is life. Life is messy and can’t be perfectly balanced. Plus, the whole reason we want balance in the first place is for peace of mind! We will have no peace in our lives if we are constantly trying to juggle that perfect ideal. By setting the expectation that we can achieve perfect balance we are setting ourselves up for more stress.

Instead I propose we set the goal of planning for and prioritizing self-care so that we can rest up, get our strength and be ready for when the going gets tough. If we don’t recharge our batteries as often as possible, we won’t have the power to push through those tough times to get ourselves back into an equilibrium.

With me so far? Great. There are two important and essential components to taking this approach to balance in your life: self awareness, and self care.

Self awareness means that you know yourself and how you operate. The key to this is taking the time to look inward, get quiet with yourself, and really understand yourself. The point with self awareness is to get in touch with your goals and how you’re feeling at the time. You should do this on a daily basis to see how you’re progressing, and also periodically to see if you should reevaluate your goals.

The second point, self care, is pretty straightforward: you have to make sure that you’re taking care of yourself. Our kids, husbands, jobs… All of these outside forces are putting pressure on us as moms! And they ask things of us, and need things from us. But if we are not taking care of ourselves, we cannot provide for anyone or anything else.

This is a little overused, but true… It’s like how in the event of an emergency on an airplane, all passengers are told to put their own oxygen mask on before they try to help anyone else. You literally have to equip yourself so that you can help those around you. It’s the same principal here as a mom, a wife, an employee, a friend.

 

Yes, balance is bullshit, but that doesn’t mean we can’t make an attempt at it so long as we have set the correct expectations for ourselves. Figuring out what balance means to us and implementing it the key to thriving and not just surviving in motherhood. So, let’s do this!

3 Reasons It’s Harder for Moms to Keep Resolutions

3 Reasons It’s Harder for Moms to Keep Resolutions

Every year I do it. I try to defy the odds and finally complete just one resolution.

But as the years have gone by, it isn’t getting any easier. In fact, it feels harder! Becoming a mom has not lowered the bar, and it’s clear that there are more than a few reasons that it’s harder for moms to actually complete their resolutions. So let’s talk about some of the top reasons moms have a harder time with resolutions than others.

How about you?

Super stoked about those big New Year’s resolutions you just made?

Don’t wanna be the one to blow the buzzkill horn, but let’s be real. Around 80-90% of resolutions fail. They are hard AF to uphold for most of the world, but for us moms, they are even harder.

But we don’t want you to fail, mama! We want you to crush it, and having the tools and info will help get you on that path to success.

So, let’s talk about three reasons why it’s so much harder for moms to keep resolutions, and what you can do to hack those stumbling blocks so you can actually keep your resolutions this year!

Problem: Multi-tasking and distractions.

The trope of moms not even being able to pee alone is 100% accurate. We even multitask our urination, probably opening a granola bar or some other ridiculois things asked of us by our overlords while we try to use the bathroom.

There is always constant distraction, which leads to the multi-tasking. At this very moment I am typing this into Evernote on my iPhone while my 3 year old sits in my lap and 11 Month old twins crawl around. I have just a few minutes before one of them starts fussing for snacks.

Beyond the fact that my time isn’t fully mine, it’s mostly theirs, there’s this other sneaky little devil called context switching that totally screws productivity. (http://www.apa.org/research/action/multitask.aspx) what is context switching? Basically, it is when you move from one task to another quickly or back and forth between multiple tasks. It takes your brain some time to catch up to the change so you won’t be performing at peak levels of productivity for some time. So if you are constantly multitasking and context switching, it’s like working with one hand behind your back.

All this multi-tasking and context switching makes it so hard for us to focus in on what we are trying to accomplish.

You get zeroed in on an important task for your goals, but keep getting pulled back out until you say “screw it,” and put it off another day. A day we all know never actually comes.

Solution:  Focus. Sounds simple, but with all the things on our plate it can be difficult to chill the hell out for a sec and prioritize. So then we end up doing it all at once. But studies show that multi-tasking actually makes you less productive. Time to cut that out. Don’t freak out mama. I know this sounds like it’s not really all that doable, but just for a second imagine doing (gasp!) one thing at a time.

This will take prioritization, but you can do it.

This means no checking email while fixing breakfast. No chatting on the phone while paying the bills. When we are constantly having our attention pulled in a million directions,

Problem: Busy with #allthethings (we don’t have time).

You lay down in bed at the end of the night, perhaps you know you’ll only get an hour or two of sleep in before a baby cries for their first night feed. You close your eyes and you know that you are so tired and you were so busy today. You did it all, and yet you can’t really remember actually getting anything done!

Solution: Firstly, we need to ditch this idea that we don’t have time. We do. If something is important to us, we will find the time to make it happen. Have a resolution to get in shape? Maybe it is really out of reach to get a sitter to watch your kids three times a week to go to the gym, but you can absolutely throw up some YouTube yoga videos on your Amazon Firestick (my fav way to watch). Then there is what I consider the absolute best exercise for mamas, walking. Load the kids into the stroller or grab their bikes and go outside. It’s family time, exercise and a breath of fresh air all at once.

Next, carve out time in the “Fringe Hours.” I read this book years ago, and I am still obsessed with the concept. We tell ourselves over and over again that we don’t have time for the things that are important to us or light us up because we are busy, busy, and more busy. But how often are you in a period of hurry up and wait? Rushing to get to your child’s school for pickup but then wait for 5 minutes for them to come out? Keep your knitting project or book you’re reading handy. Use those 5 minutes to actually do something related to your resolution instead of just scrolling your Facebook feed.

Problem: We come last and have absolutely no self-care practice.

Do I need to explain? We all understand this right? Everyone comes before us. 

Solution: it’s becoming ridiculous if I’m honest. We talk about self-care all the damn time, and yet so many of us treat it like a luxury. Why? Because a part of us doesn’t truly value ourselves and what we are bringing to the table for our families and ourselves. Think about it. You are either just not prioritizing yourself, or you are putting yourself last. Would you let a friend do that? No.

It’s time we became our own best friends. Held our own hands. How do you expect to reach a goal or complete your resolution when you consistently put your own needs and goals on the back burner?

I know, I know. You’re probably like me and think you should be able to handle it all, right? And the thing is, you can mama. You have the capacity to do and accomplish so much. But you can’t do it when you’re reserves are at zero.

I’m not going to sit here and pretend there won’t be times when things are really hard and you just need to put on your big girl panties and push through. But that’s why it is so critical that during the more calm moments in motherhood. Those precious days and weeks when all is well. Ya know, when there’s no teething or stomach bugs or growth spurts. During those times take time to refill your cup.

 At the end of the day (or beginning of the year) you just have to make a commitment to yourself mama. Focus. Focus on you.

Beyond the fact that it will add to your own level of well-being, isn’t this the example you want to set? One of a woman who has boundaries? A woman who goes for what she wants? A woman who isn’t afraid to say no to other’s outrageous expectations, and yes to her own dreams? 

Yeah??? So let’s do it mama! I believe in you. 

Want to supercharge your chances of crushing it this year? Check these oldies but goodies from right here on the blog:

http://momuprising.com/2018/08/30/5-productivity-tips-for-mom-entrepreneurs/

http://momuprising.com/2018/06/29/5truthsaboutmoms/

http://momuprising.com/2018/06/07/worklifebalanceinmotherhood/

5 Productivity Tips for Stay at Home Mom Entrepreneurs

5 Productivity Tips for Stay at Home Mom Entrepreneurs

It’s no surprise that the number one issue for a stay at home mom entrepreneur is time and productivity. The average mom only gets 17 minutes of alone time per day. That’s barely enough time to take a shower let alone build a business.

Let’s see if we can find a solution. Check out these 10 productivity tips for stay at home mom entrepreneurs, which are mom-tested and mom-approved.

 

1. Babywearing. This is absolutely one of my favorites, especially if you have a very little one. When I started my first blog, my daughter was around one-year-old. She demanded a lot of attention and cuddles. My solution? Babywearing. She could be close, while I was hands-free to work.

 

2. Stop multi-tasking. I know as a mom you are a multi-tasking queen, but study after study shows that multi-tasking kills your productivity.

Now believe me, I am well aware that many times you are watching little ones while trying to work on your business.
So NOT multi-tasking may not be an option. But at the very least, stop hopping back and forth between various projects and work tasks. When you start a task, stay on that one until it is done. That means don’t start a blog post and then hop over to your email or Facebook for 5 minutes. We all know 5 minutes turns into much more.

 

3. Let’s talk sleep. Sleep is essential to being at peak performance. What’s sleep you say? Yep. I get you. My daughter didn’t sleep through the night for the first time until she was almost two.

So here’s what I’m proposing. How often are you up for late night feeds with a baby? Or have a toddler refusing to lay down. Instead of fighting it, go with the flow and use that extra time awake for your advantage. Grab your iPhone and spend some time engaging on social media, or jot down some blog post ideas. Some of my best ideas come at the strangest times. (Also refer back to point number one for a tip on how to get baby to sleep. Babywearing is seriously the bomb for getting a cranky baby to sleep.)

4. Hire someone. I can hear you already saying, “but Morgan, I don’t have money to hire someone! I’m just starting out!” Believe me, I get it. But you can hire someone for super cheap nowadays.

At the end of the day, there is only so much that you as one person can accomplish. I’m not saying you can’t grow a successful business on your own, but I am saying it will happen faster and be less stressful for you if you have help.
There are so many tasks a virtual assistant can take off your plate. Here are some ideas: transcribing voice memos into blog posts, scheduling social media content, creating graphics for social media, organizing your inbox, and many more.

 

5. Always batch process. Think of it like an assembly line. One person doesn’t build a whole car anymore. Instead they make one part over and over because it’s much more efficient.

Apply this same principle to your business. Work on similar tasks all at the same time. This kind of goes back to the no more multi-tasking tip. Instead of bouncing around from checking emails to writing to social media, you only do one of them for a chunk of time. For example, you spend one hour brainstorming blog post ideas, then one hour creating graphics for those ideas, then one hour scheduling out your social media calendar, etc.

(BONUS: CHECK OUT THESE TIME-SAVING MEALS FOR NEW MOMS).

Being a stay at home mom entrepreneur and totally crushing it is possible! You just need a plan, and to be super mindful of your limited time. What do you think? Any tips of your own? Share them in the comments!

 

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5 Tips for Work Life Balance for Moms

5 Tips for Work Life Balance for Moms

As a mom, it’s easy to loose sight of what balance even means anymore. So often our needs are put on the back burner for bosses or babies. But self-love and self-care expert, Eva Ponce, is sharing her best 5 tips for work life balance for moms.

To be successful as mompreneur involves momentum and consistency. Showing up at your best in your life & business takes a lot of work. And everyone is always looking for the secret “work/life” balance.

Well I’m here to deflate your balloon; THERE IS NO ONE SIZE FITS ALL when it comes to your specific balance. Yes, you’ve been lied to. It doesn’t exist.

Here’s why: we all have totally different circumstances, priorities and personal lifestyles that affect our work/life balance.

“There is no such thing as work-life balance. There is work, there is life and there is no balance”. ~ Sheryl Sandberg

For example, I’m a mother of grown boys; 23 year old on his own and a 17 year old in high school at home. So my criteria would differ from a mom of newborn twins, right?

In order for you to find your unique balance, to avoid burn out and stop living in overwhelm comes down one factor: PRIORITIES (To read about why we don’t prioritize ourselves as moms, check out this recent post.)

What are your current priorities right now? And yes, as you and your business grow and evolve, so will your priorities.

Ask yourself: What are my current priorities and then center your business around the …

Is it more time with your family?

Is it more time for vacations?

Is it more focus on your personal health?

Is it simply more ME time? (Hint: really consider this one)

Our lifestyles sustain our businesses. They are NOT separate, they operate parallel to each other. If one suffers, the other will feel it.

My number one piece of advice I offer to my clients in order to achieve optimum ease in their life & business is: MAKE YOUR “SELF” A PRIORITY IN YOUR EVERY DAMN DAY …

“We need to do a better job of putting ourselves higher on our “To Do” list”. ~ First Lady, Michelle Obama

We, as women, are nurturers, caretakers and want to conquer everything for everyone BUT leave ourselves last on the dreaded “To Do List” and then wonder why we so effing tired, aggravated and overwhelmed.

Our favorite go to excuse is “I don’t have time to focus on ME” …

Really? If not now, then when. If we don’t take the time to care of our own needs FIRST before we support others, YOU WILL BURN OUT and you will be living from an extreme place of dis-EASE feeling like a trainwreck reliving the same day over and over again. How is that working for YOU? There is definitely no good balance in this pattern, is there?

Schedule time to rest & detach from your business. Mark it on your calendar and honor that time because you need it in your day. Use your smartphone to set alerts to keep you accountable to step away and regroup.

Review your day and eliminate time wasters (ie, mindless Social Media surfing, TV, etc.) and replace those with meaningful activities like a walk to the park with the kids, reading a great book, coffee date with your spouse, etc.) Remember to have FUN in both your biz & life!

Review your priorities monthly and make sure they still align with your “WHY” for starting your business. (ie: Spend more time with my family & friends, go on vacation, finally sign up for yoga, etc.) Make sure you are giving enough of your time to those things you desired to do when you created your business.

STOP feeling guilty for taking time to recharge your energy. You never question charging your phone when it’s on 45% battery life … So why are you doubting taking time to realign your SELF?

Give yourSELF plenty of grace while you adapt to this new regime of adding YOU back to your day. It will take time for this to feel amazing and I promise you, your family, friends and business will thank YOU.

“Design a life & business that makes sense for YOU. Forget how the others are doing it” ~Eva Ponce

It’s not going to be perfect, mamas. But we can still work on creating fierce boundaries so we can finally have some semblance of balance with these 5 tips for work life balance for moms

Need more help in implementing self care, soul care or even personal care?

Schedule a FREE Intuitive RISE Reading, where I can intuitively tap into your energy and see where we can begin to get you nourishing yourSELF unapologetically!

Eva is an Intuitive Life Strategist, #1 Amazon International Best Selling Author and the Creator of the #CommittedToSelf™ Lifestyle and Movement. She works with women in business and teach them how to make themselves a priority in their day without feeling guilty in doing so. To operate from exuberant cups of energy and serving others from the vast overflow, because living from a place of dis-EASE is not way of life. To learn more about Eva, please go to www.evacponce.com and follow her over at: www.facebook.com/coachevacponce or https://www.instagram.com/stories/evacponce

 

20 Mom Memes We Can Totally Relate To

20 Mom Memes We Can Totally Relate To

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