Having sex after kids can be a little tricky, and many people find that they are just not getting it in like they used to.

Healing postpartum, busy schedules, the sheer exhaustion of having kids, and more can all lead to parents having just about zero sex after kids.

While sex isn’t the only thing that makes a marriage work, it does help keep a relationship tight. We all go through sex slumps, and that’s fine, but sometimes leads to a slump in the relationship as well because we forget to prioritize bonding time.

Sex is one of the ways that couples cement the relationship and continue to build trust with each other. Not to mention it is super fun!

So let’s brainstorm some ways on how to have more sex after kids.

Start sexting

Sometimes the last thing you feel like doing after a long day of work or a long day chasing kids around is gettin’ busy with your significant other. But you can inject some heat into the relationship by sending sexy texts throughout the day. 

If you are new to sexting it might feel awkward at first, but eventually, you figure out what works for you and your partner to really amp up the vibes in your sex life. When you’re trying to have sex after kids, sometimes a little virtual sex will have to do.

This is also awesome when you might not literally be able to have sex. Maybe you are away from each other for work, or you’re still not healed from birth, but want to start building that intimate connection again. Sexting is the way to go!

Be creative with location

I bedshare so our nice comfy king-sized bed is off limits for sex because at least one child is occupying it. Instead we do it in the guest room, bathroom, kitchen, hallway. Wherever we can grab some quick alone time, even the playroom sometimes! 

One of the biggest reasons many people are super hesitant to share sleep with their kids is an antiquated notion that it will ruin your sex life. This always makes me scratch my head a little bit, beds are not the only place you can get it on.

Don’t put too much pressure on yourself

In many ways, my sex life with my husband has been the best it’s ever been since having kids. We are on a streak of having sex nearly every day for an entire month! Yeah… things have been quite steamy around here.

But it isn’t always like this. After having my twins I think we had sex like a handful of times that first year. There are a lot of reasons for this, but really a lot of came down to me not feeling ready.

If you push yourself to have sex when you don’t feel physically or emotionally ready, it is surely not going to be that enjoyable. Instead, focus on healing and tapping into your inner sex goddess on your own for a while. Then when you do reconnect in the bedroom, it’ll be way more orgasmic for you.

Get intimate in other ways

If you are in a phase of not having much sex after kids, try to find other ways to keep the intimacy between you and your partner.

Find time to hold hands, kiss, hug and cuddle. You’ll start to feel closer to each other, and a lot of times sex will naturally follow from there.

The point is to start feeling more connected to your parter no you’ll feel more comfortable hopping back in the sack, and to keep the connection between you strong when sex isn’t on the table, or just isn’t happening as often.

One idea would be to learn their love language so you can show them your affection in the way they can best receive it. So maybe hugs don’t do it for them, but doing the dishes for them does.

Schedule it

This doesn’t sound too romantic, but it works! While my husband and I do have sex spontaneously sometimes, we also have a sex routine.

First, we have a weekly date night scheduled on the calendar where we go get dinner and drinks together, and that often leads to taking advantage of the tinted windows in our car to get a quicky (or two) in at the restaurant parking lot.

Then, we also have fallen into a routine that goes like this. The husband puts twins to bed while I write for the blog, then I take a shower, then our daughter goes to bed, and then it’s sex time. At this point it is just our routine that we do every almost every night.

Just like forming any habit, you can get into the habit of getting laid.

Dress the part

So it turns out that a lot of men actually love our yoga pants, mamas. Seriously, and not to be rude, but I’ve seen you mamas strutting around Target in those tights… they look hot!

But what are you wearing underneath?

I have to admit that I really just want to wear granny panties every damn day. I now have one style of panty I LOVE, and so I bought 10 pair of them all in black. They are NOT super sexy, but they do just kind of blend in, and aren’t UNsexy.

When it’s date night though, I do my best to whip out those few pre-baby lacey undies still floating around my drawers. It’s partly because it might look sexier to my husband, but it’s also because I FEEL sexier when I wear the sexy lingerie.

Pick something that makes you feel hot, and go with it.

It can feel a bit awkward at first if you are still getting used to your new mombod, and that’s ok. It might take time to embrace your new body, but you are still a sex goddess when you want to be, and if it helps you ease into feeling sexy again, treat yourself to something that feels hot and luxurious.

What are your ideas? Have any awesome tips for how to have more (and better) sex after kids? Share them in the comments!

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