Having a Motherhood Identity Crisis?

Having a Motherhood Identity Crisis?

Becoming a mother for the first (or second, third, fourth, five…) time is life-changing and beautiful, but it can also lead to a motherhood identity crisis.

People say your life is over when you have children.

I tried to deny it. I tried to fight it. I tried to pretend like everything was mostly the same. That I was the same person with the same hopes and the same dreams.

But I wasn’t, and I’m happy about that.

Who wants to be the same person for their entire life? Is that what life is about? Stasis? Sameness? Surely not.

Just a quick look around the world and you will notice that the one thing that is constant is change. Seasons come and go. Friends (and family) come and go. Relationships come and go. Pets come and go. Stores come and go.

If you live in an area as I do, every fall the leaves turn the most beautiful shades of red, yellow, orange, and brown then fall off the trees whirling their way in the wind to the ground. We go through the barrenness of winter with the distractions of the holiday season but soon the cold sinks into your bones until you year for the freshness of spring and the heat of summer.

 

Change, good or bad, is a necessity. There isn’t even a choice in the matter for us mere mortals. The best we can do is adapt and go along for the ride.

The same is true for becoming a parent and learning to evolve into the person you are meant to be after that tiny human(s) comes into your life.

The story of motherhood is truly about learning to surrender to nature, and being able to ride the waves of life that come at you. Your identity cracks and crumbles then blows away like dust in the wind.

The new you remembers that girl inside of you. A piece of her is still there, but she’s a backup singer and not the lead vocalist anymore. There’s a new voice, a new soul, and a new person inside of the body that has also been permanently changed through carrying and birthing a child(ren).

You become someone who is different and in some ways less, but most ways, so much more. You grow and become stronger. A more developed and evolved human. Someone who is more secure in her skin, and knows her place in the world.

But there are growing pains.

There’s a period of time where you don’t know what is happening. It’s like transition during birth. You don’t know if you can even go on. Surely you can’t do it. It’s too much. Your grip on reality even seems to fade in and out. You’re in your own little world, but that world doesn’t look anything like it used to.

As your old self blows away in the wind, you try to grasp it. You reach for it, but it slips through your fingers. It’s disconcerting, to say the least.

You’re in this in-between space where your old identity is gone, but the new one is yet to emerge completely. You might have a small sense that something new is coming. A new you is forming but hasn’t fully taken shape yet. That’s the motherhood identity crisis.

And guess what? It doesn’t happen just once. It happens over and over again throughout your life. When you go from one child to more than one, and then with each little milestone your child has you have some small internal milestone that is almost unnoticeable. But as they grow, you grow.

 

The trick is to learn to not try to hold on. Yes, you grasp tightly to those little moments when you feel the joy exploding out of your heart as you hold their little bodies as they sleep, or when they say “mama” for the first time, or when the sound out their first word in a book. But holding onto this little moments is not the same as holding on to who you think you are.

Allowing ourselves to grow without holding too strongly to who we used to be is just as essential as how we allow our children to grow without being too overbearing.

So if you’re in the middle of a motherhood identity crisis, just hold one. It gets better. Then it gets worse. Then it gets better again. One day you will feel like you even if it’s a new you.

Mom Hack: Knowing Baby Developmental Leaps

Mom Hack: Knowing Baby Developmental Leaps

Dealing with cranky kids is rough, but if you want to take those extra fussy baby days in stride then knowing baby developmental leaps is essential! We've all been there. Our sweet little squish is the most calm and cool kid ever... until they're not. You wake up one...

5 Tips for How to Give Birth Naturally Without Pain

5 Tips for How to Give Birth Naturally Without Pain

Want to know how to give birth naturally without pain? Awesome! It IS possible to greatly reduce discomfort during birth. These are the five best ways. Before we dive into specific natural childbirth techniques for relaxation and feeling more comfortable in birth,...

Clearing Clutter Where to Start

Clearing Clutter Where to Start

It's so easy to get buried in stuff when you're a parent. Kids have so many things! Combine that with yours and a partner's? The clutter can easily get out of control. That's why today we are going to talk about clearing clutter, where to start. Mia Danielle joins me...

Two Shirt Method: How to Discreetly Breastfeed in Public

Two Shirt Method: How to Discreetly Breastfeed in Public

Learning to breastfeed as a new mom can be challenging, and when it comes to breastfeeding in public, things can get awkward pretty quickly when you aren't very experienced at it. But there is a super simple trick to low-key nursing in public, it's called the two shirt method.
Having a Motherhood Identity Crisis?

Having a Motherhood Identity Crisis?

Becoming a mother for the first (or second, third, fourth, five...) time is life-changing and beautiful, but it can also lead to a motherhood identity crisis. People say your life is over when you have children. I tried to deny it. I tried to fight it. I tried to...

Nourishing Your Body (Simple Self-Care Part 3)

Nourishing Your Body (Simple Self-Care Part 3)

Becoming a mother for the first (or second, third, fourth, five...) time is life-changing and beautiful, but it can also lead to a motherhood identity crisis. People say your life is over when you have children. I tried to deny it. I tried to fight it. I tried to...

Child Personality Types: Must-Learn System to Be a Better Parent

Child Personality Types: Must-Learn System to Be a Better Parent

How often do we think about our body as either a baby-making factory or something that needs to snap back into pre-baby shape? We are either feeding our bodies to feed our growing babies, or trying to morph it into something it resembled before a human incubated...

Learning to Love Your Body as a Mom

Learning to Love Your Body as a Mom

Wish there was a manual for this whole parenting thing? Well there just might be. Learning about child personality types can help you hack your way through parenting and be a better mom.
How to Stop Yelling at Your Kids with One Simple Tip

How to Stop Yelling at Your Kids with One Simple Tip

Who else struggles with learning to love your body? I know I'm not the only one, right? As we try to change the way we view moms and postpartum bodies, so many times we are still just learning to love our bodies ourselves.
Being a Mother is the Best Feeling. What Could Compare?

Being a Mother is the Best Feeling. What Could Compare?

One of the hardest decisions as a mom is whether to go back to work, to stay home, do a mix of both, or maybe start your own business. The answer is different for everyone, but for Andrea Thomas, she went from career woman to stay-at-home-mom to building a six-figure business as a stay-at-home-mom entrepreneur.
Skin Care Products for Breastfeeding Moms

Skin Care Products for Breastfeeding Moms

It's easy to get caught up in the chaos of motherhood, but being a mother is the best feeling. This whirlwind of diapers, sticky hands, bath times, bedtimes, routines, schedules that are thrown out the window, baby pools, and more is exquisite even if it's so hard. I...

How to Be a Better Parent with Personal Development

How to Be a Better Parent with Personal Development

Which skin care products for breastfeeding moms are best? Which ingredients should you avoid, and what is considered safe? This will get you started in your research into which skin care products to use while breastfeeding.
Summer Art Activity for Toddlers (and the Whole Family)

Summer Art Activity for Toddlers (and the Whole Family)

We've all been there, right? There are few people who can push our buttons like those little cherubs known as... our kids. But we also know that keeping our cool is key to being the parent we want to be. Try this one simple tip on how to stop yelling at your kids....

Forgiving Yourself for Parenting Mistakes

Forgiving Yourself for Parenting Mistakes

After losing her mom at a young age in a traumatic way, Iman Gatti joins me today to talk about healing and becoming a mom herself. She shares how she speaks unapologetically about her story and encourages others to share theirs too. (Just a trigger warning that we...

Weight Loss for Busy Moms: How to Start Your Healthy Journey

Weight Loss for Busy Moms: How to Start Your Healthy Journey

Learning to breastfeed as a new mom can be challenging, and when it comes to breastfeeding in public, things can get awkward pretty quickly when you aren't very experienced at it. But there is a super simple trick to low-key nursing in public, it's called the two shirt method.
How to Enjoy Being a Stay-at-Home Mom

How to Enjoy Being a Stay-at-Home Mom

Want to know how to give birth naturally without pain? Awesome! It IS possible to greatly reduce discomfort during birth. These are the five best ways. Before we dive into specific natural childbirth techniques for relaxation and feeling more comfortable in birth,...

25 Inspirational Mom Quotes

25 Inspirational Mom Quotes

It's easy to get caught up in the chaos of motherhood, but being a mother is the best feeling. This whirlwind of diapers, sticky hands, bath times, bedtimes, routines, schedules that are thrown out the window, baby pools, and more is exquisite even if it's so hard. I...

What Do Moms Want for Mother’s Day? (This Mom Shares the Truth)

What Do Moms Want for Mother’s Day? (This Mom Shares the Truth)

How often do we think about our body as either a baby-making factory or something that needs to snap back into pre-baby shape? We are either feeding our bodies to feed our growing babies, or trying to morph it into something it resembled before a human incubated...

Are Royal Births Different Than Ours?

Are Royal Births Different Than Ours?

It's not just the girls' weekends. It's not just another bubble bath or brunch. The truth about self-care is that the way moms need to be thinking about this issue is on a much more basic level. It's all about simple self-care for moms.
Giving Birth without an Epidural

Giving Birth without an Epidural

How often do you think about needing to create a self-care practice, but it just kind of falls by the wayside? Tiffany Lanier was forced to during pregnancy complications, and she shares with us what she learned. Self-care for moms is necessary, and it's time we took...

Why Do We Celebrate Mother’s Day? Is It Time We Stopped?

Why Do We Celebrate Mother’s Day? Is It Time We Stopped?

Have you seen this meme? It's a glowing Meghan Markle with Prince Harry and the newest royal baby, Archie on one side. On the other side, is a typical family at the hospital after a birth, with mom rockin' some of our fav mesh panties.   There is no doubt that...

Single Mommin’ It and Providing for Your Family

Single Mommin’ It and Providing for Your Family

How often do you think about needing to create a self-care practice, but it just kind of falls by the wayside? Tiffany Lanier was forced to during pregnancy complications, and she shares with us what she learned. Self-care for moms is necessary, and it's time we took...

Life Was Boring Before Kids

Life Was Boring Before Kids

The hilarious and super smart Liz Meli-Wischman (now Marciniak) joins the MomUp Show this week to share how she has reached one of the highest levels of Younique through integrity, authenticity, and humor.  Mamas in MLM's or direct sales, listen up for this one! Liz...

Moms Who Drink: Is Drinking Out of Control for Moms?

Moms Who Drink: Is Drinking Out of Control for Moms?

You ever finally get that precious alone time away from your kids and wonder... what the hell do I do now? As much as we need alone time for self-care, date night, or just to poop, so many times when we finally get it, we don't know what to do with it. And one thing...

The Truth About How Hard it is to Be a Mom

The Truth About How Hard it is to Be a Mom

The hilarious and super smart Liz Meli-Wischman (now Marciniak) joins the MomUp Show this week to share how she has reached one of the highest levels of Younique through integrity, authenticity, and humor.  Mamas in MLM's or direct sales, listen up for this one! Liz...

Re-building the Village: Creating Community for Moms

Re-building the Village: Creating Community for Moms

You ever finally get that precious alone time away from your kids and wonder... what the hell do I do now? As much as we need alone time for self-care, date night, or just to poop, so many times when we finally get it, we don't know what to do with it. And one thing...

They Grow Up So Fast: Learning to Go With the Flow in Motherhood

They Grow Up So Fast: Learning to Go With the Flow in Motherhood

there might be a ton of reasons we sometimes feel divided as moms, but the truth is that any division that happens within the mom community are truly due to our lack of connection. While we may be a group that shares many things in common, we don't always feel like a...