by contributor: April Vaassen

Just surviving can be tough, let alone thriving and making sure your marriage is staying strong after having a baby. But, mama, it IS possible. These three keys have helped me maintain a strong marriage after having a baby.

 

I often hear how having a baby can rock your marriage, most times for the worst. So much changes when you bring a newborn home but until you live it, you don’t realize how much. I can tell you that hearing all of the horror stories had scared me a bit when wanting to bring a child into our lives.

I heard how hard those first 6 months were.

How you will not sleep. How you will get frustrated more easily. How you won’t have time for your spouse. How you will be so busy and everything will change. How there will be no time for yourself.

With all of the scary divorce rate statistics, it is hard not to worry what having a baby will do to your marriage. However, I have learned that marriage doesn’t have to take a turn for the worst, and it really didn’t for me. In fact, I believe our first born made our marriage stronger.

On the other hand, what I can tell you is that there are moments where things do get hard and frustrating. There are times you want to scream. There will be times you look at your spouse and think what the heck are you doing. There will be times you don’t feel as connected to your partner. But, it doesn’t have to ruin your relationship. Things do change, but it doesn’t have to change for the worse.

 

Communication

Though there are bad times, there are ways to make your marriage easier when dealing with children. I think it is extremely important to have a lot of communication in your marriage. If you are feeling frustrated, tell your partner. Have those hard conversations so that you can make those hard times better.

If you are feeling overwhelmed, say it. Mama, don’t try to overload yourself. Ask for help. Encourage your partner to take over and tell them your appreciative of it. 

Share the Load

I truly believe in splitting household duties evenly between the two of you. It lightens the stress on both ends. If you, as a mom are staying up all night feeding your baby, your partner is perfectly capable of picking up a few chores around the house. It is amazing how much this can strengthen your marriage. Take turns with giving baths, making supper, getting groceries, cleaning around the house, etc.

Mom, I know you may feel guilty about letting your spouse take over some of these duties. It doesn’t make you less of a mother, you are killing it each and every day. Trust me, when your load is lightened and you feel less stressed, your marriage flourishes. It was hard for me at times to allow my husband to take over some of the duties or even asking, but it saved us of a lot of fights.

Don’t Forget Date Night

GO ON DATES! Continue to date your spouse. It is not selfish to get a babysitter every so often. It is critical. Your children deserve a happy mom and dad.

I know in our busy lives it is often hard to make this a regular occurrence but it is so very important. This can be something as little as watching a movie on the couch after the kids go to sleep. This keeps my marriage alive and exciting. Never give up dating your spouse.

 I love seeing my spouse be a parent. It makes me feel more connected to him than I ever have. Becoming parents has opened my eyes to all of the amazing qualities my husband brings to our lives. I know there are days where it is hard to see those qualities, but I am not perfect either. Remember that this is a partnership, one should not be doing more than the other. And NO, it does not make you less of a mom.

Keep in mind the love you have for your partner. The most essential aspect of having a strong marriage after having a baby is to keep that love strong. Take the time to celebrate each other on the day of love. Look at the life you have created together, it really is the best thing to ever witness. HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY MAMAS! Go give your spouse a big smooch, or two….

Hi everyone! I am April and I am the founder of Be You Crew.

I am a mama of one amazing little girl and happily married to my grade school sweetheart. I have always had a desire to help people ever since I can remember. Further, I have always wanted to do this on my own terms, where I can reach many people at one time.

I have a bachelor’s degree in Psychology and a master’s degree in School Counseling, which has only set a baseline of where I want to proceed with my career goals. I am truly passionate about a career of helping all people, but I have an extreme desire to empower women, specifically.

I have always had a passion for helping people or animals, ever since I was a little girl. But it wasn’t until my teenage years that I really knew that I wanted to help people love themselves. I had a hard time excepting myself in my teenage years into my young adult years. I never could have told you that I loved myself or appreciated who I was. I went through a really hard time for awhile. That is why I created my brand, I do not want people to feel the same way I have in the past.

My mission of the Be You Crew is to create a community of people who feel comfortable in their own skin. Because girls, I know this is SO stinkin’ hard. I hope to someday have a big community of women that can come here and know they have a tribe to back them up. To know they have girls who will support them, appreciate them, and allow their authentic self to be shown. Our tribe is small but growing. I know that each and every woman that follows this page wants the same. We are created to socialize and to want to be surrounded with love. If you have ever struggled or are struggling with excepting yourself, know that you have a tribe to back you up, to love you as you are.

XOXO,
Be You Crew (Find us at: https://www.facebook.com/TheBeYouCrew/)

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