Is this what a soccer mom looks like? In some ways I guess I lucked out to be a mom and a “soccer mom” in this era. We are blessed with things like SUV’s and high waisted jeans actually being in style, a nice little perk for our distended postpartum bellies.

And while being a mom is still the most undervalued and unappreciated profession out there, we do have a greater voice in the conversation now than in generations. This little internet and blogging thingy is pretty neat that way. Mom bloggers rule and we have the power to shift narratives around what it means to me a mom and a “soccer mom.”

But alas the minivans and whatnot are not what is making me a bit depressed and anxious about my daughter starting her first week of soccer in just days. No. It’s the fact that she’s old enough for me to officially be a soccer mom at all!

On Friday, October 13, 2017, I left home early in the morning to go to the hospital and give birth to my (now 10 month old) twins. I was prepared for all the postpartum hormones. I was prepared for some adjustment to being a mom of three after having just one child. I was not prepared to return home, not to my sweet little toddler, but to a big kid. It’s like she grew up overnight, and since becoming a big sister, that maturation process is at warp speed!

Gretchen Rubin says: “The days are long, but the years are short.”

It isn’t until your children reach a certain age that this hits home.

When you realize while you carry them off to bed at night that you won’t be able to do it for that much longer. They are becoming too heavy to carry, and while you might fight to carry them those few steps from the couch to the bed well until your body protests, at some point, physics will overpower your will.

The saddest thing is there is no remedy for this. The best thing I can do to ease this deep deep ache in my soul for the baby that is fading and changing into a girl is to savor it. This is a Herculean feat considering my hands are pretty full of babies at the moment, but I do my best.

I give her one extra kiss before bed.

I hug her a little tighter.

I let our walk last just a few minutes longer.

I let to-do’s stay uncrossed on my list for just another day so we can build a block castle instead.

I take a lot of pictures, and even more in my mind. I want to remember it all.

And I just love her as hard as I can right now. What else is there to do? This is what we do as moms after all, isn’t it? We raise babies into children into adolescents into adults. This is our purpose, and the word “bittersweet” must have been created to describe motherhood.

So now I savor this phase of soccer momhood. Enjoying the absolute mayhem of 4 year olds all chasing the same ball. Loving the way she is teaching her “brudders” how to walk and talk. Shrieking with excitement with her as I put her first braid in her hair that took forever and a day to grow in.

These transitions, movement, and growth, these are both our rewards as mothers of a job well done, and the saddest part of the job.

But we do it. And we love it.

Congrats mama, whether you’re a soccer mom, baseball mom, gymnastics mom, dance mom, band mom, special needs mom, or just mom… you’re rocking it. Cheers.

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